Title: Losing Our Souls
Summary: Two men who have lost everything find
hope to continue in each other.
Keywords: Crossover XF/Angel, m/m Slash, Angst
Spoiler: Season 9 of "X-Files" & Season 3 of "Angel"
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there were two guys named
Joss & Chris who dreamed of vampires, monsters and
messed up love lives OH MY! Guess what I'm not them,
though I do like to play with their characters on occasion.
I make no money from this & when I am done I will return
them to the toy box! ;)
Author's note: This one is for Katriena who's beautiful Angel
slash has inspired me to try writing one of my own.
Losing Our Souls
Walking the shadowed streets of Los Angeles wasn't
the answer to anything, but it was all that Angel had
Jesus how could he have been so stupid, so fucking
clueless about what was going on in his own home?
Tonight had been the last straw.
He had walked into that hospital room damn well
knowing what he was about to do. Even the sorrow
he had smelled on Wesley hadn't convinced him to
halt his actions.
Rubbing his palms along his thighs he tried to erase
the feel of the pillow pressing down---soft, pliable
beneath his fingers. He could still hear his voice as
the sorrow had transformed into pure fury.
<This isn't Angelus talking, it's me---Angel. You know
Or had it been?
Sometimes it was so hard to tell. All he had known was
that his child---his son---tiny helpless Connor had been
torn from his arms. Someone had to pay for the burning
that consumed him, flowing through his veins like molten
<You're a dead man Pryce! Dead!>
It had taken four male nurses to pry his fingers from
the pillow he had pressed over Wesley's face. The look
of horror in Fred's eyes, then Gunn's as he was dragged
kicking and screaming from the ICU just made him rub his
hands harder. He was reminded of Lady MacBeth.
Out damn spot...out.
With a shake of his head Angel lifted his weary eyes to
the night sky. A pale blue neon sign swayed in the faint
night wind catching his eye.
Good name for a bar, he thought, perhaps even a sign from
the powers that be of what he already knew. He was losing
his with each step he took.
The bars interior was dark and cool, a refuge from the
early spring warmth of a Los Angeles night. It also
reeked of stale cigarette smoke, cheap beer and despair
among other things. If there was one thing Angel would
have wished to get rid of---as a vampire---was that sense
Some nights it was just too much.
Sliding up to the bar he nodded at the bartender, a pale
waif of a boy who didn't even look old enough to drink
much less serve what passed for liquor.
"What ya need mister?"
What did he need? That was a damn good question at
this point. What he needed was someone who truly
understood the pain he was going through. Then again
who could possibly know the pain of losing a child who
should have never existed in the first place?
"Beer," he mumbled.
"Tap or bottle?"
"Surprise me," he growled, allowing a flash of the
to flicker over his features.
The boy scurried away almost tripping over his own feet
in an attempt to escape Angel's golden eyes. A few moments
later a cold mug of beer slid into Angel's view.
"On...on the house mister," stuttered the young man,
vanished to the other end of the bar.
Angel had been nursing his beer for almost an hour when
he got the scent. A scent as strange, yet as familiar as his
own. Human, yet not completely.
Not demon though.
He had often caught a faint whisper of this, but somehow
this was different, an almost refined version.
Turning his head he noticed the man who had just walked
in and a low whistle escaped his lips.
Even beneath the grime and exhaustion he could see the
Tall and slim with wide shoulders tapering down to
narrow hips. He moved with the grace of a dancer,
comfortable in his skin. Yet still Angel could sense
the edge of fear---or maybe it was caution?
He wore faded jeans that hung low on his hips. Though
they were loose they cupped the curve of his ass sending
a jolt to Angel's crotch in a way he hadn't felt in a long
time. Through narrowed eyes he watched the man move
to the bar, requesting a beer in a soft voice.
Milk and honey, Angel thought, as he waited for the
man to collect his beer. Moments later the stranger
settled into one of the booths in back. There was the
scent of lose on the man, a lose that Angel knew all
For another fifteen minutes he sat waiting to see if the
man was going to meet anyone, then he stood, moving
across the crowded bar. As he came closer he noticed
how the man seemed to be staring at a piece of paper
clutched in his hand.
Tears---very human tears---were trickling down his
face. Angel wasn't even sure the man was aware of
"Are you okay?" He spoke softly, trying not to scare
the already distraught man.
He jerked as if he had been shot, then looked up into
Angel's curious face. Angel caught himself sucking in
an unneeded breath as their eyes met.
They were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen
and he had seen some beautiful ones. Two prismatic
jewels that seemed to shift from one color to another
"Uh...yeah...I'm fine," the man quickly swiped at
tears with one hand, fingers curling tightly around the
It was actually a photo.
A little boy Angel thought studying the soft powder
blue blanket the child was wrapped in. Vivid sapphire
eyes peered from a sleep scrunched face, soft tufts
of dark hair sprouted from beneath the blanket.
The man nodded, a half choked sob escaping his
lips. Such full soft kissable lips, Angel thought.
"Do you mind?" He nodded at the empty seat. "My
"Mulder," the other man whispered.
"I have a son too."
"Really?" Mulder glanced up as he brought the mug
to his mouth.
Angel suddenly had a vision of those lips parted in
a deep moan, the man naked beneath him.
"I lost him."
Mulder's eyes lifted from the photo, studying Angel
as if he hoped to see some hidden truth in his dark
eyes. Cautiously he turned his attention back to the
beer. "I had to leave him behind with his mother."
"Want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps." Angel
leaned in catching a faint whiff of fear edged with
Mulder smiled for the first time since he entered
the bar, then began talking.
Two hours later Angel knew everything about this
A child that had never been expected.
A loss greater than any parent should have to face.
He gently reached out, his fingers caressing the other
man's hand. Instead of pulling away, as Angel had
expected, Mulder squeezed his hand. Eyes brimming
with tears met Angel's eyes across the table.
"I just want to forget the pain...if only for one night,"
At that moment Angel decided to take a chance.
Standing he pulled Mulder to his feet, stepping
into his personal space. They stared into each others
eyes for what seemed an eternity, but in reality was
the length of a heartbeat. Angel leaned in his right
hand reaching up to curl into the soft silk of Mulder's
hair, pulling him closer until their mouths met.
At first there was a stiffness, then his mouth melted
beneath Angel's. His lips parted allowing access to
the tongue that teased them. Angel delved between those
soft lips, tasting the beer so recently consumed and
the underlying hint of mint. Pulling back he smiled
at the soft dreamy expression that greeted him, the
eyes opening hidden beneath heavy lids. Their color
had shifted from a golden brown to a deep blue-green
the color of spruce.
"I can help you," he whispered his voice filled with
Taking his hand Mulder smiled, then whispered one
The room above the bar wasn't the best, but it would
do for one night. A bare bulb hung from the ceiling
giving off a dull yellow light through years of dust.
Beneath the one lone window, covered with a flimsy
shade, sat a metal framed full-size bed that had seen
"Turn off the light."
Angel flipped the switch as he closed the door behind
him. He understood Mulder's need for the darkness
in a way no one else could. It was a matter of survival
for them both---just in different ways.
"This isn't something I do all the time...," Mulder's
eyes lowered to the floor. "I just need to...,"
Angel silenced him with a finger pressed to his trembling
lips. "I know." Angel's voice came out in a deep growl.
Mulder began to shiver as Angel leaned in taking his
mouth in a brutal kiss. His tongue demanding entrance,
marking his territory with nips to Mulder's full lower lip.
Pulling back he smiled at the sight of the kiss swollen
mouth and dilated pupils. "I can't make the pain go
away, but I can make you forget for one night." With a
growl he swooped in taking Mulder down with him onto
Angel grasp Mulder's wrists pushing his arms above his
head his mouth claiming his with a fury. Their tongues
dancing together as he straddled Mulder's hips. With
a growl he moved one hand down ripping open Mulder's
shirt. The heat from the body beneath him urged him on
as he ground his pelvis into the throbbing denim covered
"Is this what you want?" Pulling from that hot sweet
he growled in pure lust.
"Yes...," Mulder moaned.
Lowering his mouth he worked his way along the hard angle
of the other man's jaw to his throat. Beneath his lips he could
feel the thundering pulse of his companion's heart. The scent
of heated blood so close to the surface drawing his hunger
to the surface as well.
"Please," Mulder's whimpered plea caused him to pull away.
He couldn't do this, he thought. What if he lost control? What
if the demon rose to the surface?
"Angel? What is it? What did I do?"
Angel turned to see Mulder sitting on the end of the bed. He
was so beautiful, Angel thought, but I can't do this. Then he
saw the tears glistening in Mulder's eyes.
He was across the room and on his knees before he realized
what he was doing. Cupping Mulder's face in his hand he
forced him to look up and the look in his eyes was enough
to make Angel want to cry.
"It's not you...it's me."
"But I...I want you."
"Do you know what I am?" Angel stared straight into
eyes. "I'm something different than you...I could hurt you."
"Maybe I want to be hurt." Mulder's whisper startled Angel.
"Not like this."
Mulder's eyes widened as Angel's features shifted, but he didn't
run nor did he scream in terror. Instead his hand lifted, trembling
fingers tracing the heavy brow with a gentle caress.
"You're a vampire." Mulder's voice was soft. "Do
you need to
feed?" His fingers moved to where sharp incisors glistened in
This was an interesting development, Angel thought. "Yes,
a vampire and no---I don't drink from humans."
"What do you mean why?"
"I've met vampires before and they had to drink human blood.
Is that why you're scared?"
"You've never met a vampire like me before," Angel
his features to shift back. "I'm an oddity even in the vampire
world---I have a soul."
Mulder sat studying him with inquisitive eyes, then spoke. "Is
that why you don't drink blood?"
Angel began laughing then until his ribs ached.
"What?" Mulder's brow furrowed, a look of pain in his eyes.
"I'm not laughing at you...I'm laughing at the situation.
drink blood just not human blood."
Mulder smiled and that smile bored straight to Angel's
unbeating heart. It was almost shy with an edge of curiosity.
"Why doesn't this scare you?"
Now it was Mulder's turn to laugh.
"I've seen more than you could imagine Angel. It doesn't
matter what you are, but who you are." Leaning in he kissed
Angel gently. "I still want this...I want you."
Standing Angel stepped back as Mulder stood, letting the
torn tee shirt slip from his shoulders. Their eyes locked as
he reached out, slowly unbuttoning Angel's shirt, revealing
the cool skin beneath. Skin soft and smooth over hard
muscle. His palms settled on Angel's chest sliding up,
pushing the soft silk back until it fell off his broad shoulders.
"You're beautiful," Mulder whispered as he knelt down,
hands trailing down along Angel's ribcage. "I've never seen
a man as beautiful as you."
Mulder's fingers caught in the waistband of Angel's slacks,
unhooking his belt, then popping the button. With a shaking
hand he grasp the zipper letting it slid down to reveal what
he knew was waiting beneath. The slacks fell down, pooling
around Angel's ankles like liquid shadows.
"You don't have to...," Angel began.
Mulder's hands moved down helping Angel step from his
pants, then carefully removed his boots. When he was
done he stood, guiding Angel to the bed, pushing him back
onto the sagging mattress. Kneeling he pushed Angel's
legs apart, his lips scattering tiny kisses up the inside of
his muscled thighs.
Angel's thoughts drifted as the man between his thighs
continued up--his hand drifting to where his cock throbbed
with need. As Mulder's fingers wrapped around his hard
flesh he closed his eyes his thoughts turning to sweet
memories of Buffy. It was wrong to think of her as his
new lover slowly worked his erection, sliding the foreskin
back with expert fingers.
"You...you've done this before...," Angel moaned lifting
up on his elbows, as his eyes fluttered open.
Mulder smiled up at him. "Yes...once a long time ago."
mouth lowered his tongue swirling around the tip.
The sight of this man tasting his flesh was to much, he thought,
his hips lifting. "Do it...," he hissed between clenched teeth.
Gripping the base of Angel's cock Mulder lowered his mouth
over the swollen flesh, his tongue sliding along the underside.
"Yes...that's it...," Angel moaned, "...suck my cock...boy."
Mulder's eyes lifted locking on Angel's as he slowly took in
each inch. Slowly he pulled up then slid down taking Angel
as deep into his throat as he could. His eyes never left Angel's
as he began working his head up and down. Moving his other
hand down he cupped his balls, rolling them gently in his palm.
To Angel there had never been a more erotic sight than this
man willingly kneeling between his thighs. He sighed as the
hand that had cupped his balls now slid further. Slim fingers
playing along the delicate skin between his ass cheeks,
seeking the tight opening of his body.
By now his hips were pumping in rhythm with the warm, wet
mouth that worked his hard flesh. In seconds Mulder's questing
fingers found what they had sought. Angel growled dropping
back on the mattress as one slim finger pushed through into
his body. His back arched in pleasure as the finger crooked,
rubbing at that tiny spot that sent jolts through his pelvis.
Mulder continued stroking his prostate as he sucked Angel
deep into his throat again.
"Yes...shit...oh god...stop...stop!" Angel cried out,
control the orgasm he felt building. His face shifted as his
brow furrowed, then shifted back as Mulder slid his finger
Pulling up he released Angel's cock from his mouth, licking
his lips seductively. "Don't you like that?" He whispered.
"Yes," panted Angel, "...just a little to much.
I had to stop
you if you still want me."
Mulder laughed as he stood, moving closer to Angel as he
sat up. "What do you want?"
"I want to fuck you."
"A bit blunt aren't you?" A soft laugh escaped him
grabbed the waist band of his jeans.
"Always," laughed Angel in reply. "Now take those off."
Backing up Mulder began to strip, taking his time as Angel
growled impatiently. Once he had his jeans and boxers down
around his ankles he toed of his sneakers. With a swift kick
he sent the entire mass across the room in a tangle.
Mulder raised a brow turning slowly. Behind him he heard
a hum of approval as Angel studied his body. He could
feel a rush of blood in his groin and his face at the same
time. He had never had a lover just look at his body with
"Come back to the bed."
Turning he moved to the bed, his eyes refusing to meet
Angel's. When he finally did look up the other man was
Standing Angel pulled him close their bodies brushing
against each other. He leaned in claiming Mulder's mouth
with a gentle kiss, tasting himself on the soft lips. Drawing
back he smiled again, reminding Mulder of a predator.
Then again he was a vampire, Mulder thought. Wasn't that
essentially a predator?
"Get on the bed."
Shivering with a mixture of fear and arousal Mulder moved
to the bed laying down on his stomach. His fingers twisting
into the thread bare blanket as he waited, feeling Angel's
dark eyes burning into his spine.
"No...on your back."
Mulder turned over his eyes wide, his breath quickening
as Angel grasp his ankles, tugging his body down. Beneath
him the rough blanket tickled his naked back, distracting
him from the dark eyes and cool hands that held him.
Before he could take another breath Angel was kneeling
between his outspread legs, stroking his tense thighs
with those same cool hands. He was caressing him as
though he were frail porcelain, a fine work of art. That
gentle touch brought tears to his eyes.
"Why?" He choked out.
"Why what?" Angel whispered as he leaned forward,
palms on either side of Mulder's shoulders.
"Why me? Out of all the men in the bar...why me?"
Rolling to his side Angel drew him closer until they
were facing each other. His hand slid along Mulder's
jaw, fingers tangling in the silken strands of his hair.
"Because...you're like me."
"Like you?" Mulder stared into those dark eyes
"You don't belong anywhere. A stranger in your
own world...lost...different. Different, but so
beautiful." Angel pulled him close, kissing him
deeply. One hand drifted down between their
bodies, fingers wrapping around Mulder's taunt
flesh, stroking as his tongue slid into his mouth.
Mulder found himself thrusting into Angel's hand,
trying to bring himself to orgasm.
"Don't." Angel growled, pushing him on his back.
Whimpering in frustration, Mulder's fingers dug
into the blanket as Angel straddled his hips, their
cocks brushing. Leaning in Angel's tongue traced
the shell of Mulder's ear, sending a shiver down
"I'm going to take you like you want to be taken,"
Angel whispered against his ear.
Slowly his mouth moved down his throat, along his
collar bone, peppering the flushed skin with tiny nips
and kisses. Mulder trembled beneath him, feeling the
power in his lith, muscular body. He bit into his lower
lip as Angel's mouth descended on one dusky nipple,
biting gently, then laving the abused flesh with strokes
of his tongue.
Time seemed to stand still as he continued working
Mulder's nipples, one with his mouth the other with
his fingers. It was exquisite torture, sending sharp
burning heat to his erection.
"Please...please...," Mulder gasp, "...touch me."
"Patience," Angel whispered against one swollen
Moving down he continued his path of nips and
kisses to Mulder's stomach. His tongue darted
out, swirling around his navel, dipping in then
sliding out. Beneath him Mulder squirmed, rubbing
his cock against his chest. Angel could feel the
beat of his pulse in the throbbing flesh, the heat of
his life's blood flowing.
With a sigh Angel sat up on his knees, pushing
Mulder's legs apart and back until his heels
touched his hips. "Open your eyes." Angel
growled again as he caressed the inside of
When Mulder's eyes opened, he smiled, slipping
two of his fingers into his mouth, sucking gently.
"I need you...," moaned Mulder.
Slipping his fingers from his mouth, he spoke.
Reaching down he slid one damp finger along
the shadow of delicate skin beneath Mulder's
balls. Down his finger slid until he found what
he was seeking, the tight ring of muscle. Pressing
against it with one finger, he smiled at the soft
whimper his intrusion elicited. Slowly the muscle
gave allowing him access to the warm tightness.
Now it was Mulder's turn to growl as that one
finger pressed deep into his body, searching out
his prostate and rubbing. His back bowed, his
fingers tightening in the blanket as he pushed back
onto Angel's probing finger.
Slowly Angel pumped his finger in and out, stretching
and preparing Mulder for what was coming. After a
few moments he added his other finger causing Mulder
to whimper as he was stretched further.
"Please Angel...," he moaned.
Angel slipped from the bed causing Mulder to moan
in frustration. "Patience is a virtue or so I've been told,"
he called over his shoulder. "I need something to use
as lubrication---I don't want to hurt you." Another
groan reached his ears as he flipped on the bathroom
In one of the drawers beneath the sink he found a bottle
of hand lotion. Popping the cap the scent of wild flowers
drifted upward filling his senses, a tiny smile playing
along his lips. The memory of making love to yet one more
of Liam's conquests played across his mind's eye. A
petite housemaid with dark tresses, much like the man's
who waited for him in the other room, laying in a field
of wild clover.
Turning he headed back into the bedroom his cock even
harder now---if that were possible.
His first sight was of this stranger, he knew only as Mulder,
laying on his back. One slim hand curled around an impressive
erection stroking slowly. Angel had forgotten how beautiful
a man could be, especially when caught in the act of fulfilling
his own passions.
"That's mine!" He growled moving across the room.
Mulder rolled over on his side, eyes dilated into two emerald
ringed black orbs. His tongue slid out, caressing his full lower
lip with a languid stroke. "Then take it," he whispered.
Crawling onto the bed Angel grabbed one of the pillows,
pushing it beneath Mulder, canting his hips upward. With
a soft sigh Mulder spread his legs in an open invitation
that couldn't be ignored. Angel knelt between his long
slim legs squeezing a dollop of lotion in his hand, then
tossed the bottle aside. Seconds later he was sliding his
lotion coated hand up and down his erection, lubing the
hard column of flesh, then his hand slid between the
muscled cheeks of the perfect ass in front of him.
"Are you sure?" Angel questioned the man beneath him
as he slid two fingers into the willing body.
"Yes...," Mulder hissed.
A few seconds passed as he continued to work the
tight flesh, then he pulled his hand back. Mulder let
out a soft whimper his hips lifting up, his erection
bouncing against the flat plane of his stomach.
Angel carefully positioned himself, allowing Mulder's
long legs to settle around his waist, then began to
push forward. Slowly he began to sink in---tiny grunts
escaping the body that welcomed him.
"So tight...so warm...," Angel groaned as he felt
Seconds later he found himself buried to the hilt, his
balls resting against the curve of that tight ass. Mulder's
soft moans pulling him back into the here and now.
Pulling his hips back he smiled as Mulder whimpered.
"Don't tease me...," Mulder hissed between clenched
teeth, his heels digging into the small of Angel's back.
Angel pushed forward with one thrust causing Mulder's
back to bow, his legs to tighten. Slowly he began to
find a rhythm that sent shivers through the taunt body
beneath him. His fingers digging into the curve of Mulder's
hip bones, tightening as he speed up with each thrust.
"...faster...," Mulder's soft whimper urged Angel on.
How long he continued slamming into that tight exquisite
heat he had no idea before he found himself leaning
forward. One hand gripped Mulder's wrists pinning
them above his head and bracing Angel's upper body
as his hips pumped wildly. Angel's other hand slid
between their sweat drenched bodies, grasping the
throbbing cock that seemed to pulse with each of it's
"Beautiful," he groaned as he began to stroke Mulder.
Now the low whimpers turned to panting gasps as his
hand syncronized with his hips. Soon the gasps turned to
half choked screams of need. Angel could feel the tight
glove of flesh surrounding his cock begin to tighten
more. The friction sending jolts of fire through his
already burning body. He could hold on all night if need
be for his own pleasure, but this wasn't about prolonged
This was about release.
The need to feel something other than anger.
They both needed that release---a release from their
guilt and pain. If only for one night.
Mulder's cock seemed to swell in his hand and he knew
that his lover would soon come. Picking up speed he
leaned forward his mouth catching Mulder's as he felt
the erection in his palm pulse. Jets of hot seed poured
over his fist as Mulder screamed into his mouth. At the
same moment Mulder bore down, tightening around
Angel's own cock, his ass milking him.
Angel pulled back, his spine bowing as he roared. His
head thrown back, his features shifting, his fangs bared
as he poured his own seed deep into Mulder's body.
Before he could stop himself Angel's mouth latched onto
the smooth column of Mulder's throat. Hot blood filled
his mouth as his incisors punctured the throbbing vein
beneath his lips. Mulder's own screams filled the room
as he went limp against the sweat soaked blanket.
It was then that Angel came back to himself.
Horror swelled up in his gut as he pulled back.
"Oh, my god! What have I done?"
Pulling himself off Mulder's still body he leaned forward,
one ear to the sweat slicked chest of the man he had just
drank from. Angel almost sobbed with relief at the wild
thundering beat of his lover's heart.
Mulder's eyes fluttered opened as he pulled in a ragged
"Are you okay?" Angel ask as he pulled the shivering,
limp body into his arms.
"...you...bit...me," gasp Mulder.
Angel's eyes lowered from the accusing stare. He had
been right he shouldn't have done this.
"That was the most incredible orgasm."
Lifting his head Angel was shocked to hear Mulder
laughing between wheezing breaths. Slowly he began
to smile, wondering exactly who this man really was.
"I won't be a vampire in the morning will I?" Mulder
mumbled as he burrowed into Angel's chest.
"Good...," came the muffled reply, "...I'd hate
out the hard way. Turning to ash isn't my idea of fun."
Incredible, Angel thought, as Mulder began to snore
softly against him. With a faint smile he pulled the
blanket over them, his arms tightening around the
most incredible man he had ever met.
Wildflowers, Mulder thought, as he struggled to the
surface of the waking world. The scent was strong
and sweet teasing his nose.
Burrowing his face in the pillow he moaned. He
wanted to stay where he was wrapped in warm
darkness, feeling safe for the first time in his life.
Snuggling closer into the pillow, he reached for the
man who had brought him that peace. All he felt
was cool sheets and he set up with a start, blinking
in the soft dawn light. If it weren't for the pleasant
ache in his body he would have thought Angel had
been nothing but a dream.
With a soft sigh he drew his knees up beneath the
blanket his eyes settling on the foot of the bed. A
wide smile stretched his lips as he saw what lay
His jeans had been folded neatly on the end of
the bed on top of it was Angel's dark burgundy
silk shirt. Reaching out he let the soft material
slid through his fingers as he lifted the shirt to his
face. Angel's scent was strong, comforting to him
as moved to the end of the bed. A small bundle
of wild flowers lay next to his clothes resting on
a single sheet of paper.
Clutching Angel's shirt to his chest he lifted the
flowers to his nose, wondering where in the hell
Angel had found wild flowers in the middle of
Los Angeles. With a gentle smile he lay the flowers
back on the tangled sheet and lifted the sheet of
paper, beginning to read.
So many reasons to give up. That's all I had
when I walked into the bar last night. I have
lost so much in this existence including my
grip on myself.
So much blood and death over so many long
years. So much that I thought there was no need
to continue. Perhaps I would have walked out
into the sunlight this morning, but I'll never
know for sure because I found you.
In your eyes I rediscovered what it meant to
be human---to have hope.
I hope you find your son and find your way back
to his mother. No one deserves to be alone.
Tears blurred his vision as Mulder folded the
sheet of paper. He had almost given up on his
life---on the only thing that mattered.
Standing he pulled on his jeans, then pulled on
the shirt, it's material caressing his skin. He
wiped the tears from his face moving to the
window, pulling the shade up. The soft light
warmed his face as he looked out over the
streets below, wondering where Angel had
"I hope you find your son too." Mulder
whispered to the quiet room. "We're both
stronger than this. I promise you I won't lose
my soul and neither will you."
His fingers moved up to caress the wound at
his throat, watching the sun rise over the city
Title: Returning to Salvation
Summary: When you're lost your soul
can only be saved by the one that under-
stands the most.
Rating: NC-17 for violent vamp sex!
Spoilers: Blink and miss for "Lineage"
Disclaimer: Joss-baby owns them, but I
play with them on occasion.
Author's Note: This is my first Spangel so
please be patient. LOL :-D
This one is for sweet Pet---Happy Birthday!
(I know I'm late, but better late than never!
He's always known that he needed what
only one other man could provide him
What the world saw was a mask.
He sometimes hated himself for that deep
gnawing hunger that drove him to the
point of insanity. Humans never under-
stood what it was truly like to be a
Blood was the ultimate aphrodisiac.
It was life.
Pure and simple.
It was also salvation in its own twisted
way. It nourished---it provided a balance
between the darkness and light.
That's why he was here now.
Looking for salvation.
Kneeling on the floor, stripped of every-
thing but his own skin Spike closed his
eyes beneath the soft silk of the blindfold.
He could hear the slap of leather against
flesh and he wanted to scream.
<Give me what I want!>
<Show me that I'm real!>
A soft cool hand caressed his shoulder and
he found himself whimpering. Wanting that
hand to touch him as it once had long ago.
He needed the pain.
The whisper sent shivers down his spine
straight to his cock causing it to swell and
throb with the blood he had so recently
consumed. Its coppery flavor still lingered
on the back of his tongue, but it was lacking.
He wanted to taste his grandsire's blood.
He wanted to taste his flesh as well.
Stumbling to his feet he listened as Angel
walked around him---silent and forbidd-
ing---like a God.
For Spike he was.
The scent of Angel's flesh was intoxicating
Damp leaves and fresh earth.
And beneath it all was the whisper of his
blood. Not the blood he drank, but the blood
that sat thick and dark awaiting to feed an
acolyte of his bloodline. A childe that needed
what only its sweet thickness could provide.
Those soft cool hands now settled on his collar
bone---caressing and claiming.
Another whimper rose in his throat as long
slim fingers slid down along his smooth pale
chest. Memorizing each curve of lean muscle
with gentle tantalizing touches. Fingertips
circled his nipples like the flutter of butterfly
wings---a bare whisper---until his flesh began
"Please...," he gasped through dust dry lips.
The only answer was the crack of well worn
leather against his hip. Spike yelped and turned
his head as the pacing resumed.
His voice was like a million tiny razors slicing
at Spike's flesh. Demanding and sharp.
The hands began to explore again, but now
they were rougher. Calling to his soul, to his
flesh, and his need as only Angel could.
Thumbs brushed across his nipples and large
cool fingers curled around his rib cage pulling
him close. Close enough that he could smell
the blood Angel had drank earlier. The scent
only made him harden more.
Angel drew him close taking his mouth in a
rough kiss, his tongue pushing into Spike's
mouth and tasting---teasing. As quickly as
the kiss came it ended and Spike found himself
struggling against the cuffs that held his wrists
He wanted to touch Angel.
Feel the hard muscle beneath his porcelain
perfect skin, feel the coolness, and the presence
of his blood.
He was drawn from his thoughts by the feel
of those familiar hands tangling in his hair
and yanking back his head. His throat arched
out as he gasp from the familiar pain.
"What do you want boy?"
"You...," he whispered.
He was pushed forward brutally hitting the
mattress hard enough to knock the air out of
him---if he had needed to breath.
He felt the weight of Angel settle on top of
him---straddling him---and the feel of his
cock brushing the small of his back. Those
same cool hands caressed his back and the
corded muscles of his bound arms.
"So perfect...," Angel hissed as he leaned in
his incisors brushing against Spike's throat.
Beneath them Spike's cock twitched---eager
to be touched---as he squirmed beneath the
weight pinning him.
"Please...Jesus...bloody Christ!" Spike cried
out as Angel's teeth sank into his throat.
There was nothing like the feel of those ivory
blades sinking into his flesh---drawing out
blood---giving him the pain he needed. The
darkness only made it more erotic.
"Fuck me...," he gasped as he ground his hips
into the mattress.
Angel drew back, his tongue sliding along the
ragged wound in Spike's throat. "Is that what
you want? My cock pounding...,"
"Yes!" Spike roared in need.
Before he could say another word Angel was
kneeling behind him, his hands yanking his
hips up, and pushing his legs apart. He gasp
as Angel positioned himself and pushed for-
As Angel ripped into him his hips bucked back
in response to the pain. This was what he wanted
more than anything.
Saved by the pain that told him he was here.
That he was being taken.
He ground his teeth together as Angel pounded
into him, hitting just the right spot. There would
be bruises, scratches, and even bites tomorrow,
but it didn't matter.
The torment he felt was being washed away in
a tide of lust, blood, and brutality.
This was what it was to be a vampire.
A mix of pain and pleasure so overwhelming
that nothing else mattered.
Not the fact that tomorrow the mask would
be back. That again the torment would fill
him to the point of breaking.
Angel pulled him back pinning his already
bound arms between their sweat slicked
bodies. His fingers teased and twisted his
nipples as his fangs slipped back into Spike's
Yes, to be owned by a God was what he
He cried out in guttural roars as he rode
Angel hard. His own cock leaking and
swollen slapping against the flat muscled
plane of his stomach.
Angel drew back one hand halting Spike's
desperate movements---the other curling
around his aching erection. With a grunt
Angel bit into his own wrist drawing out
what Spike desired even more than the
sex---blood. The blood that had created
his sire and the blood that had ultimately
His head lifted as Angel curled his arm so his
bleeding wrist drifted within inches of Spike's
"Is this what you want?"
"Say it Spike."
"Fuck me...feed me...save me...," he gasp as
his hips lifted then lowered slowly.
Angel lowered his wrist to Spike's mouth as
he blindly sought out the blood of his family
and of his past. At the same time he bit into
Spike's throat and began to pump his cock
with rough strokes. As Spike drank he began
to ride Angel's cock with desperate plunges.
Blood thick and sweet filled Spike's mouth
cascading down his throat just as Angel's
erection began to pulse deep in his ass. He
was being fucked, fed, and seconds later
his own cock exploded sending pearly
strands of cool cum across his chest.
Blood and sex.
Sex and blood.
Humans didn't see the truth.
They were interchangable.
Both were life.
Spike tore his mouth from Angel's wrist his
mouth contorting with a scarlet scream that
ripped from the pit of his soul. Seconds later
as his muscles contracted around Angel's thick
erection that scream was echoed by Angel's
own soul wrenching scream.
After what seemed like hours Spike woke as
the cuffs around his wrists were released.
Spike smiled as Angel tugged the blindfold
down revealing his bright eyes.
"Of course I am you sodden fool."
He rolled over into his grandsire's embrace
as he blinked against the dim candlelight
and his vision shifted. They curled around
one another like giant cats, their legs tangl-
ing together, and their lips meeting.
Tongues danced together as they tasted
each other's blood and the desire that
seasoned it. So similar, yet different.
"You know the others would never under-
stand...," Angel whispered in his ear.
"Let 'em go to bloody hell already...I could
give them directions."
"Me too." Angel snorted.
A soft silence embraced them as they lay in
the aftermath of their feast. Sheets stained
with their blood and their passsion.
"Why did you...,"
"...decide to come to you?" Spike's dark brow
rose as he finished Angel's question.
"Cause I knew of all the places I could go
this was the only place I could find what
I had lost."
Angel pushed up on one elbow. "And what
"Salvation." He whispered as sleep began to
For tonight they would rest in each other's
arms, but tomorrow both their masks would
be back in place. Hiding the truth they both
knew all too well.
Eventually one of them would have to die
so the other might truly live---again.